I know this is one of the busiest days of the year running round getting last minute gifts and preparing for family visits etc…or you could be like me on the other side of the world from my family, my pressies were bought online and my sister kindly wrapped anything for the kids and I’m having a chilled out day, the only task of buying some champers for a bbq at the beach tomorrow has been completed! I’m sitting here with a dog fast asleep at my feet, farting away (the dog that is!)! I can’t think of anything worse than trying to tackle the shops today!
Before I say anything else, I know my parents read every email I send out (awww), and they have been nothing but super supportive in my entrepreneurial journey, but even they asked a few times ‘are you sure you wouldn’t just like to stay an accountant?’ Answer: ‘Erm no!’. I know they just want the best for me, and this is not why I’m not home for the holidays!
But yesterday, I had a call with a lady, and she asked me a question that has come up over and over with my clients. ‘What happens when your friends and family don’t get it and don’t support you?’
I gave her a pretty long winded answer, let me break it down….
- I think every new entrepreneur has experienced this to some extent, but I think it helps to know it might happen then it’s not so bad!
- IT’S NOT ABOUT YOU! There I said it, by making the bold decision to live a different life, follow your passions and make an impact on the world, you are holding a mirror up to them and their lives, it makes them question what are they doing with their lives, and perhaps realize they wish they could do it too, but just don’t have the nerve you do. They are showing their fear and little bit of jealousy! It’s easy to be in denial when the ‘entrepreneurs’ they know in the media had a privileged upbringing, went to Harvard, had funding, got lucky etc, but when it’s YOU, the you they went to school with, grew up with, or work with, it kind of takes that excuse away, they know you’re just the same as them! I know this sounds harsh and it will probably be happening at a deep unconscious level.
- The lady yesterday was like ‘So i have to immediately ditch all my family and friends!’ That is NOT the answer either!It might take a bit of time but perhaps just spend a little less time with these people and the naysayers, you might have a hard enough time convincing yourself that you can do it, without having to hear about how hard it’s going to be from them, remember it’s their fear talking, not yours!! But if you used to see them everyday, maybe twice a week could work, then maybe once a month, until you are ready to spend more time again, Tony Robbins always says ‘Proximity is power‘ and ‘you become the average of the 5 people you spend most time with‘, we can make more conscious choices to meet new people that ‘get it’ but over the holidays is not a time to write off your family as being too ‘low wealth conscious’ to hang out with. Just meet them where they’re at and be ok with it. The choice we do get is whether we let those people ‘speak into our lives’, you know your truth, just let it wash over you!
- Be choosy about who you talk about your business to, not everybody gets excited about opt-in rates, Facebook Ads and conversion stats! It becomes another opportunity for them to bring you down AND you can become very boring very quickly!!If they ask how it’s going, just say ‘Great, thanks’ and deflect the conversation back to them. Remember to let go and have some fun!!!
- A big mistake I madewas thinking they were wrong for not wanting the same thing as me, or that I could FIX them all!! Haha, OMG I must have been a nightmare, luckily I quickly realized that nobody was broken and needing fixed, just because I thought I’d seen the light, didn’t mean anyone else had to. It was not my responsibility! Don’t ram it down their throats.Just do your thing, be happy and eventually people will start asking how you did it!! I get lots of emails from old friends asking what the heck i’m up to and how get to travel so much!
- I was talking to another entrepreneur on the weekend and asked her about this, she said she had gone through many of the 5 stages of loss about losing her friends, and I’ve had a few good cries over it too! Being denial & isolation, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. We are changing and growing so fast, but losing friends over it can make it feel like it’s not worth it, I hope this mini-guide, lets you skip a few stages and get to acceptance faster. Plus we need some friends who aren’t in the industry, so we can truly switch off when we’re with them and talk about all those things we don’t do with our ‘new friends’.
- Another big way new entrepreneurs hold themselves back is that they don’t want to outshine their siblings! True story!! We’re all old enough to know that’s crazy, but many of my clients have experienced this, it’s probably not something you might think about, but there are unwritten rules in familiesabout who is the fit one, the successful one, the baby etc, one client was like ‘there’s no way I could earn more than my big brothers’. Really? If she believed it, it would be true!!!
Anyway, I hope some of this helps you over the next few weeks, and if you’re ready for some 1:1 support and guidance in your business and would like to join a strong community of ‘like-minded’ entrepreneurs, who do get it, read my special offer below.
Wishing you lots of love over the holidays and a beautiful rest, to set you up for an amazing 2016!