Hi Everyone! I’m back in Scotland, visiting family and attending a 3 day boot camp before heading to Italy for 3 weeks! Yay!! Trying to earn the wine and pizza before I get there! 🙂 (Picture: bike ride at boot camp in the pouring rain!)
But today I want to talk about people pleasing or it’s slightly more extreme big brother, co-dependency, as it’s called in the coaching world and how it can literally be keeping you broke financially and mentally too.
We all know people pleasers, they’ll do anything for anyone else before themselves, because they don’t value themselves enough and are always trying to be liked and then often become passive aggressive and resentful about it!
Co-dependency relationships are a type of dysfunctional helping relationship where one person supports or enables another person’s addiction, poor mental health, immaturity, irresponsibility, or under-achievement. Among the core characteristics of codependency, the most common theme is an excessive reliance on other people for approval and identity. Hmm sound familiar to anyone??
Before I started in this coaching world I’d never heard of co-dependency and was like, ‘I can’t be co-dependent I’m not in a relationship’…haha, oh so naive! You can be co-dependent with friends, colleagues, family, significant others and yes EVEN clients!!! And that’s where the problems start!
I know you know I love to share, and here are a few big admissions from me…when I first started coaching…
- I was so invested in my clients results, I was allowing their results to define me, of course I still really care but now I know it’s not my responsibility!
- I would take on clients who I knew where not my ideal clients, and then regret it- Now I only work with people who I am excited to work with and that I know I can help 100%.
- I would coach at a time that suited them -not me, now I coach on Mondays and Wednesdays, and it works perfectly.
- I would go over on time almost every session as I was trying to to over deliver – this ultimately stops people fully valuing your time, now I am much more aware of it and stick to my time.
- I let clients cancel with less than 24 hours notice, against my client agreement, and now treat my agreement with the respect it deserves, after all it’s there for a reason. (if you don’t have one get one!)
- I’d spend up to an hour and a half on a discovery call with someone who has already told me they have no money! I am not judging this, but they are not ready for a high-end Success coach! So now I have developed an application process, so I can decide ahead of time whether to grant someone a discovery call! BAM!! Check me out with my boundaries!!! 🙂
I’m glad I’ve gone through this process, as it’s so good to learn and grow and now I know what to look out for with my clients, but all of the above, have wasted my time, stopped me working with more ideal clients, kept me small or in low vibe. NO LONGER!!
So if any of this resonates with you, maybe it’s time to rethink your boundaries, what is the aim of your behaviour? What is it costing you? Get really clear on what you are willing to accept and where you are going to draw the line, and make sure you value your time!
Lots of love,